God Bless America (2011)

Back again. To get back in the swing of things I chose God Bless America. There are spoilers in this post and I'm sure it's going to be a little rough around the edges as it's been awhile.

On a mission to rid society of its most repellent citizens, terminally ill Frank makes an unlikely accomplice in 16-year-old Roxy.

Synopsis

This movie starts with a series of sad and unfortunate moments. Frank (Joel Murray) lays awake at night because his noisy neighbors and their kid keep him up, which spirals into him watching bad reality T.V. and cable "news" shows with idiotic commentary. He then goes to work in the morning, where everyone is discussing the bad singer on the notable singing show (modeled after American Idol). "Bro, you think you're too good to watch it?". Frank then gets fired from work because he sent flowers to a co-worker in an attempt to be nice, that came off as harassment. Things only get better when he finds out he has a brain tumor. 

Frank hits a wall, when watching something similar to "My Super Sweet 16" and seeing a girl break down because she got a Bentley instead of an Escalade; which then parallels his own life when his 10 year calls him screaming because she got a Blackberry instead of an iPhone. 

So he steals his neighbors car and drives down to where the brat who just turned 16 lives and kills her. This is where he meets Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr). Roxy is another girl at the school and believes things might be interesting if Frank is really committed to cleaning up the filth in society. She talks him out of killing himself and instead  going on a killing spree to set the world right. Given Roxy is from a trailer park family, where her step-dad abuses her Frank figures taking her along wouldn't be the worst thing she's been through.

Things proceed as planned.

They kill a high-profile figures that spread stupidity across America. Everything is very chaste though. Frank makes it very clear that he has no interest in Roxy. She's 16 and that would be inappropriate.

While stopped at a motel for the night, Frank is half watching the news, when he sees something that changes everything. Roxy's parents are trailer park trash, but a boring middle-class family, that wants their daughter back. Frank sends her packing. After he sends Roxy on, his doctor calls, only to tell him, he was looking at the wrong MRI and that he doesn't have a tumor. 

Frank then makes the decision to finish big.

Spoiler
The American-Idol-type show is having their finale and they singer that they made fun of in the auditions -- the one who can't sing, probably has a mental disability, and now has an album -- is suppose to perform. Frank sees this as intolerable. American making fun of the disabled; a guy who tried to kill himself a few weeks prior. 

So he heads to the arena where the show is, with a bomb and guns and takes the building hostage. He believes he is getting justice for the man they had teased, but comes to find out, he tried to kill himself, not because they were making fun of him, but because they hadn't initially invited him to perform at the finale. 

This is too much. Roxy's there and joins him in this final moment. Police surround the stage, but Frank and Roxy manage to kill the judges, the disabled guy and members of the audience before being brought down themselves.

Thoughts

Frank isn't wrong about the world, but perhaps it has  as much to do with entertainment, as the company he decides to keep. You don't have to be inflicted with bullshit. He choose to. He could have easily immersed himself into quality books, movies, and podcasts. Buck the trends that annoy you, but he didn't. 

Everything about Frank says repressed white guy who can't get it together. 

I have a hard time with people who romanticize American when people lived in the moment and we weren't hammered by what is considered "trash" media. They are partically asking for the world to regress back to virtually no rights for anyone, but straight white males. Sorry, but I find the premise of this troubling. 

All in all, this wasn't a favorite of mine. Bobcat Goldthwait wrote and directed it, I wish he had just made it bigger. Gone further with idea of ridding society of trash, as opposed to focusing of this relationship between 40-something Frank and 16-year-old Roxy. I just found the two kind of boring

The Sorcerer and the White Snake (2011)

I have a younger brother. We tend to live out lives on opposite schedule's so when we get a chance to chill we tend to maximize our time. After talking about what's been going on we decided to watch a movie. I only  had two rules, nothing too serious, and something under 90 minutes. He came back with The Sorcerer and the White Snake. There will be a spoiler alert below.

A master monk tries to protect a naive young physician from a thousand-year-old snake demon. A contest of psychic powers results in mayhem.
Summary
The first scene of this movie is how I thought The Last Airbender was going to be throughout. Magnificent battle scenes using magic while flying through the air. We introduced to a monk --Abott Fahai (Jet Li)-- and his assistant-- Xu Xian (Raymond Lam)-- and what it is they do. They capture demons who harm/would harm humans. 

Next we meet a green snake and a white snake. They take the form of a woman's head and torso and a long flowing snake body. They are playing on there own in a forest when they take a moment to rest on a cliff and see some humans digging for herbs.The green snake knocks a man into a river and the white snake transforms into a human to dive down and rescue him. 

The white snake is smitten with this herbalist, and her and the green snake go to celebration in town to seek him out. He is there but so are the two monks seeking out another demon. The White Snake manages to get time with the herbalist and reminds him of who she his. She only is in human form with him and thus he never really knows her true identity. During this time the Green Snake and the young monk talk a bit and joke, but then the monk has to get down to business. He goes to fight a bat demon. He successfully kills the minions, but the demon grabs him and bites him, forcing him to call of the help of his master.

The next morning the young monk wakes to learn he his transforming into a bat demon himself. Abbot Fahai knows of his plight, but let's him go off on his own.

From here it gets a bit boring. A lot of plot that doesn't necessarily advance the storyline. One thing of note is that the Abbot Fahai visits the herbalist about a village that is falling ill. The herbalist pledges to try to find a blend of medicine that will help the villagers. The White Snake hear's this and sets out to help her now husband. She uses her life source force in the blend. This helps the village, but she is weakened. 

When the Abbot goes to the village to see the recovery of the people he immediately knows that magic is involved. He gives the herbalist a special knife and tells him to be careful. He then warns the White Snake off and tells her to leave. Despite her doing good, she is still a demon and must leave, before he makes her do so.
That night see goes home and her husband unknowingly poisons her with a traditional wine that wards off snake bites. The Abbot and his disciples then use magic to capture her in the house. Weakened she forms into her true snake form. Her husband, not knowing it's her stabs her with the knife given to him. 

There long is strong and a back and forth ensues, with them trying to save each.


Thoughts
The movie came off as a spoof. I don't think that was intended, however, the first half of the movie seemed to be like Kung Fu Hustle.

I'm not sure if it's how the movie was written or the editing, but the movie had such a staccato pattern. Jumping from idea to idea and adding attributes to the story that were unnecessary. The movie was right around the 90 minute mark, but it could have easily been shorter, if the story had been tighter. 

Given personal experience, this movie spoke to me on a difference level. It seems to be kind of a commentary on interracial relationships. Mainly the intolerance for them. Abbot Fahai is a conservative traditionalist, and refuses to believe that the relationship between the herbalist and the White Snake, could ever work. He bases this belief on those demons what have done the world wrong, however, if the White Snake's friends (woodland creatures who can talk) are anything to go by, demons are all around the world, and don't seek to trouble others. Yes there are those who do, but that can be said for the humans as well. There is never a real resolution to this. It seems that humans and demons can live side by side, but the idea of loving each other is still taboo. 

The problem with this may stem from the word demon. Such a harsh word, in encompassing those things that are born magical and different. 


Spoiler Alert
The herbalist goes to the monks temple to get a special root that will save her. He finds it but a bunch of demons enter his body. A mouse demon take the root to the White Snake. The monks try to restore the herbalist. The White Snake, now recovered, comes to get her love. The monks won't let her, since they are doing a ritual that can't be interrupted. She becomes an even larger snake and her and the Green Snake wreak havoc on the village where the monks live. The herbalist is free from the trance, but doesn't remember her at all. Furious, the White Snake seeks vengeance on the Abbot. The Abbott beats her and seals her into a temple. Realizes the trouble she has caused she asks Buddha forgiveness and the chance to see her husband once more. This chance is granted to her. She kisses him and he remembers her. She then this pulled back into her tower, where she is sentenced to be for the next 1000 years. The herbalist, makes a new home outside her temple.

The movie ends with the Abbot and his young assist (that turned into a demon) finding a way to live in peace and help each other.

Finding Bliss (2009)

Expectations

I'm so sick of these gloomy movies. I wanted a comedy. Hence, I found Finding Bliss. Which, P.S. Netflix has a sub-genre of comedies called "Late-Night Comedy". Perhaps you knew this, I however, did not, expect me to be pulling from this category more frequently. There will be a spoiler alert at the bottom, however, this movie is quite predictable, thus you could probably figure out the ending on your own. (BTW, I'm trying a new format) Finding Bliss, according to IMDb:

A romantic comedy that explores the adult film industry through the eyes of an idealistic 25 year-old award winning film school grad.

This movie is kind of what I hoped Elektra Luxx would be. A funny take on the porn industry. Maybe some behind the scenes action.  

This movie is actually why I started this project. Well, not this movie specifically, but I wanted an eclectic mix of good and bad movies that were worth watching.

This might not be for everyone as far as the love stuff goes, but it has some fun comedy moments that kind of gave me what I needed after a long week.

Oh and let me say here the film art is not at all indicative of the movie, at least, not with those characters

In a Nutshell

Jody Balaban (Leelee Sobieski) is an ivy-league film graduate determined to make it in the industry. The movie starts with her showing the downfalls of her sexual history; talking openly about sex to her parents, failed spin the bottle, an awful de-flowering story (but let's be honest, who's first time is all that magical?). Yeah, Jody is sexually repressed, but okay with that. She's far more focused on her career anyway. 

After sending her screenplay and the student film she created out to everyone in the industry unsuccessfully she finally receives a call for an interview. Within the first five minutes of the interview she realizes that while she's being asked to be an editor, she's also in a porn -- excuse me, "adult entertainment"-- studio. The director of this studio has a vision of creating a porn that can be seen in art houses and thinks Jody will help him accomplish this goal. Horrified at first, she soon accepts, as she figures she'll work during the day and create her own movie at night.

She begins the filming process illicitly after hours and soon gets caught. The actors she hires get scared off from the movie once they realized that they are even tangentially linked to a porn studio. Jody is in a bind and hires the pornstars to be the actors in her movie as well. Oh, and her boss, Jeff Davis (Matthew Davis), whom she has some serious unrealized chemistry with, once he finds out, allows her to continue filming provided she buys her own film and and helps re-write his movie, which, by the way is called, "Finding Bliss"

In case you're curious, Finding Bliss is about a woman who voluntarily gets gangbanged just before her wedding. Classy stuff. Jody's movie is art imitating life. It's about a sexually repressed idealists who doesn't want to have sex too early and be considered a slut.

The rest of my synopsis will be at the bottom in the spoiler alert.  It's not a deep movie and fairly predictable.

DaFuq?

I'll be honest, while I enjoy occasionally acting really snooty and bourgeoisie, I enjoy a good (or bad) dick joke more. This movie did not disappoint. Right away they poked fun at porn titles: Gladiator = Glad He Ate Her and Charlie's Angels = Charlie's Anals. They even made a "dick in the box joke". No, it's not comedy gold, but it is a nice pop culture reference. And every time they said "come", I could just hear the double entendre in my head.

Aside from Sobieski, you'll recognize Denise Richards (who didn't do a bad job); Jamie Kennedy (who really just played every role he's ever done; and you may recognize Davis. He's done some movies and T.V. but he honestly he just looks like every cocky guy at a bar. Go out tonight, you'll see what I mean.

This movie is the lowest common denominator and that's what I enjoyed about it, but what I didn't like, is that they didn't play that up. The movie is too long. this is a semi-filthy, dumb movie, you don't have to give me some great closure and ending with a tiresome build up. I get it the Princess will end up with her Prince some way or another. I just stopped caring at a point. I'm realizing that I just got sick of Jody. Whimpering women wear me down. Yes, I respect the career-woman-driven-young-and-hungry attitude. I get it. I live it. But at some point I get sick of watching you fail at love. Especially when you're hot and people would be dying to be in your position.

I enjoyed Jody's BBF Kathleen (Donnamarie Recco). She's successful, sexually open, and totally okay with the knowledge that some of the guys she's been with have been absolute losers. There's always a colleague of Jody's who quite entertaining: Gary (P.J. Byrne). He's awkward, an over-sharer and has weird sexual quirks.  Naturally he and Kathleen make an awesome couple. 

On a totally separate note, what happened to Leelee Sobieski? I remember her being touted as this rising  star who was on the verge of true Hollywood acclaim. 

Spoiler Alert

Jody's sexually repressed. Jeff's cocky (see what I did there?) but not what he seems to be. At some point they're going to want each other, but first, their love has to struggle. They decide to be official, but then at a drunken party, Jeff is hit on by another woman. Jody walks in not even bothering for an explanation. She proceeds to say some hurt things

Cut to the premiere of her movie which is received well, but no one from the studio attends. This turns out to be because they're at the AVN's Annual Award in Vegas and Jeff is slated to win an award. Jody rushes out to Vegas and there and on stage, her and Jeff reconcile. I imagine they live happily ever after

Oh, and you will see Jamie Kennedy's cock. As if there where any doubt.

Zenith (2010)

So, I'm a little late in posting this. Let me explain: 

1. When I started this project I wanted to review all genre of movies. While I hadn't pre-selected my movie, yesterday I wanted to do something in the horror genre. I just couldn't do it. I will at some point, but a lot of stuff is torture porn, which I just can't watch.
2. The movie I did end up choosing is Zenith. Once I finished watching it, I had this, "What the fuck did I just watch" feeling. Not because it was super weird or gross. It's a convoluted story with multiple framing (story telling) tools that left me extremely confused. I thought I'd better watch it again just so that I can explain how bad it is properly. And because I felt this way, you better believe there will be a spoiler alert at the bottom.

According to IMDb.:

A retro-futuristic steam-punk thriller, about two men in two time periods, whose search for the same grand conspiracy leads them to question their own humanity.

The movie begins with an older man, Dale (Raynor Scheine), turning on a camera and recording another man, Ed (Jason Robards III). The Ed begins to explain the Milgram Experiment. They then "muscle" their way into a house. A gun shot is fired, and the camera is dramatically rustled about and then goes to black.

We then cut to the main character, Jack aka Dumb Jack (Peter Scanavino). He begins to explain his story. The year is 2044 and the world has been genetically engineered to be happy. However, with this happiness,  the world has also become numb. Emotional words and feelings are lost to the world as no one has reason to use them anymore, except Jack knows these words. "Virtue, Comfort, Curiosity, etc". Jack is a med school drop out turned drug dealer. In this dystopian world, the drugs of choice are emotions; epiphany, pain, etc. Ed is Jack's father, now dead, and one someone he still resents. The movie captures Jack, falling down the same conspiracy rabbit hole that his father fell down.  

Jack searches for these tapes with the help of his mute friend, Nimble (Al Nazemian), random old-timer friend Mateo (Arthur French) and eventually a bookkeeper, Vito (Michael Cates)

We being to see that Ed, once a preacher, has become wrapped in the conspiracy theories of the world and it began with him happening upon a book called Zenith. He records his thoughts on VHS (really???) and subsequently numbers them. At least that's what I believe the tapes are.

Jack finds a tape years later and then begins the hunt. Not just for the tapes but for the answers to the questions Ed had been searching for. Along this search he meets Lisa (Ana Asensio). A woman who "knows words too." She is the wife of a very rich and powerful man. When she predictably finds herself in trouble, Jack rescues her and they then begin a romance.

Literally, mid-way through the movie (minute 40) they begin to share the plot.  Up until this moment it was all background and build up. But wait, there are no real new plot points.  The only thing new thing is that the beginning moments of the movie (when Ed and Dale go into the house) are explained and Lisa and Jack's love really begins to bloom. We are given more about how Lisa's trapped in the marriage and how there is virtually no way to get out.  

Before I spoil this movie let me air a few things out.

Let me tell you how many elements you'll have to deal with if you watch this.  Ed in live action. Ed through a camera. Jack reciting words in a camera. Jack in live action. Jack doing voice overs throughout. Jack speaking in the third person. Cuts to numbers meant to show you the order of these mysterious tapes. A search for the truth and the conspiracy that's covering this up.  The obligatory love story that gets intertwined.

This movie is billed as being made by Anonymous.  I don't know if this is the hacktivists group (whom I do have the utmost respect for) or some other entity that didn't want their name out. Either way, this movie is awful and I don't blame people for not wanting their name attached.  But perhaps I'm not being clear.  The acting is fantastic. Perhaps a bit forced at moments, but believable. My problem comes from the story trying to hard. to be too many things. There are so many ideas in this movie that the viewer gets a bit lost and having to focus on so much that is only peripherally related is dizzying. 

Lastly, I have a problem with dystopian story-telling. They chose the year 2044, which seems lazy. VHS's are not still a thing, let alone VCR's to play them on. It's almost as though they chose a time so close to the current date so that design of costume and creativity wouldn't be necessary. They could have taken a huge leap forward and said 4167. Design aesthetics could have been explained by a halted society.  With numbness comes a lack of beauty and a reverse evolution of society. Not a big deal, but an annoyance throughout. The movie relied so heavily on dark, muted colors and run-down abandoned environments. This, to me, didn't feel like a strong story-telling point of view. Just a personal opinion though.

Spoiler Alert

Jack is prepared to leave the area with Lisa, but destiny intervenes   Another tape is found and it traces back to Lisa's husband. In the last 20 minutes of the movie we are given back and forth few of Jack and Ed confronting the same man, Lisa's husband, Berger (David Thornton) or is it Schleimann, because at this point the story is so confused it's hard to know who everyone is and what the truth really is. 

Ed is brought to Berger. When speaking to Ed, it seems it is at the beginning of the moment when happiness is going to be pumped throughout the world and genetic engineering will allow people to live for 300 years. Ed is told there is no conspiracy, that it's all about happiness and that we now has a choice, he can leave the house and go back into the world where everyone thinks he's crazy, or he can have a new life. This new life would give him a new face, a job, a new chance.

On the other side there is Jack. He enters Berger house with a gun not wanting answer, but Lisa. See Berger tries to give Jack the same chance as Ed, but Jack leaves no room for discussion.  Oh, by the way, Jack has epilepsy. It's mentioned in passing throughout the movie but does not become a main tool of the story until this moment. When Berger sees Jack won't listen to reason, be pushes a button and turns the room into a strobe light, that severely cripples Jack. In this moment, while the strobe light is flashing a few things come out. Vito, the bookkeeper, is really Ed. Lisa is pregnant but doctors are giving her an abortion at this very moment. He could have had eternal life with them, but he decided to be dumb.

He wakes up in a hospital room unable to remember much, but being addressed as Ed Crowely. According to the calendar, the year is 2012. Apparently he had a brain tumor which caused a brain tumor and the epilepsy. It's weird, it seems we are meant to believe that all that transpired is a brain malfunction in Jack (Ed's?) imagination. Or has he been exiled from his world so that his mental balance is always called into question?

Neo Ned (2005)

Neo Ned is a love story. I don't typically go for those, and perhaps the cover should have tipped me off, but it didn't. Also, I was intrigued. Gabrielle Union has done some terrible, straight to DVD stuff, however, as a Tumblr user I thought I was pretty up on most of Jeremy Renner's flicks. Apparently, I was not. I have a spoiler alert at the bottom, because, while I enjoyed this and recommend it, it is slightly uncomfortable and not necessarily for everyone. This page on IMDb isn't set-up quite the same way as others, so here's the abbreviated summary they provide:

Like most kids, Ned idolized his father and dreamed of following in his footsteps. Unfortunately, his father was a two-bit crook who spent most of his life in jail. Without a family of his ... 

So, yea, given that I had no real idea what I was in store for.

Renner's character is Ned Nelson. We meet him in a mental institution where he's been placed instead of jail.  He and his neo-nazi brethren beat a black man to death. Ned was charged with second degree murder, however, because of a disability Ned is institutionalized instead. He has tantrums that are physical and sometimes a little violent, and counselors question his placement at the facility. Union's character, Rachel, makes an entrance at the facility by having a dramatic outburst and having to be carried in. She has delusions of being Hitler. We later learn she's self-admitted and faking the delusions, however, she was sexually abused by a photographer who had her mother believing he could make her a star. She now has a daughter and lives with the nightmares of the abuse.

Ned and Rachel's relationship grows during the week they are in the institution together. Ned is a talker and he is interested in the new girl.  He uses the word "nigger" recklessly and Rachel will randomly yell at him in German. Over the week though, they grow to have a weird bond and Rachel seems to be having a good affect on him. The facility has planned a trip to the zoo and Ned has been on his best behavior so that he can attend with Rachel. A pretty awesome quote from Ned is: "Just because I'm racist doesn't mean I'm not sensitive". 

After this initial week, Ned is brought to the head administrator and told he's being discharged. Ned is not happy about this. An orderly drops him off at a bus stop with a ticket and tells him to take care. Ned proceeds to steal car and go the zoo on his own. He proposes he and Rachel run off together. She agrees.  They go to meet Ned's mother and start playing house. Ned frequently tells play that they are married. They get an old trailer and start making a life for themselves. Ned gets a job at a diner upon Rachel's request.  

Let me say, that I really enjoyed this. Renner acted Ned so perfectly. He is completely unfiltered but not outright rude. His emotions are for everyone to see. Even when he was being guarded  it was in this childlike way that felt right. It's obvious that Ned's a good guy at heart, he just didn't have the greatest environment to grow up in.  The relationship that blossomed between Ned and Rachel seemed so appropriate. While Ned joined the brotherhood, he was never of that life. He was searching for family and acceptance. Rachel needed a break from life. Their romance, which seemed to last a few weeks, allowed her the escape from reality she needed.

Now for a touch of criticism. This movie has moments that are beyond belief. You don't simply steal a car and no one ever looks. You don't simply get released from an institution if you are charged with a criminal act. You don't simply get to move into an empty trailer just because it's available. The list goes on.  I felt the acting --especially from Renner-- was exceptional, but there are so many plot holes that just weren't considered. I don't know if that was on purpose or not, however it's a bit distracting to the story. With all that said, this movie is meant to be out of its time. It was out in 2005, however, from the clothing and the way it's shot it appears to be invoking a vibe of the late 80s, early 90s.

Spoiler Alert

Ned runs into some old friends of his at the diner where we works. He leaves work to go out to a party and proceeds to stay out all night and sleep with some random chick.  He arrives home to Rachel mad as hell.  There's no yelling (which is how you know the rage is serious). She tells Ned it's time for her to leave and go back to her daughter. Ned is unhappy and wants to go with her, so that they can be a family. Rachel tells him no.

Ned still insist on giving her a ride home and Rachel accepts. Ned has done his homework though and found the photographer that abused her. He goes in to rough him up. Rachel, frightened, stays in the car at first and but then goes in after him.  There's a bit of a struggle, but Rachel has a gun. She confronts him with his sick past and the last thing he says is "You didn't say no."  Rachel shoots him.  Ned tells her to go and that he would stay. He has a plan and Rachel has to go look after her daughter. 

Ned is put in jail, but joyfully reunited with his father.  Rachel ends up driving down the highway, with her daughter by her side (still in the stolen car).

How to be a Serial Killer (2008)

Holy crap.  I chose "How to be a Serial Killer"  as my first movie and almost decided I didn't want to do it anymore. (Spoiler alert below.) The plot according to IMDb: 

"A serial killer decides to teach the secrets of his satisfying career to a video store clerk."

I thought it was a pretty awesome premise with a lot of possibilities considering it was a comedy.  The main character, Mike Wilson (Dameon Clark), has these stand out moments between scenes where he's standing on a stage presenting as though he's a motivational speaker/magician telling the audience the do's and don'ts of being a serial killer.  

Within the first ten minutes we meet Bart (Matthew Gary Gubler).  Bart's a mousy video clerk who can't stand up for himself and let's the world ignore and treat him like crap.  Mike's in the video store watching Bart taking crap from a customer and decides to take a chance. After a short hussed conversation with Bart, Mike thinks Bart could be his protege and teaches him how to kill.  

Let's be clear.  Mike's a serial killer, but he does have rules.  I honestly don't recall all of them but it was about the gist of:

• Shitty people can be killed,
• Old people might want help dying so go head,
• Don't rape or steal,
• Keep yourself emotionally distant unless you want others to find out.

Thus begins this journey of Mike sharing knowledge with Bart.  Also, we learn Mike has been in a relationship for about a year and he's pretty fond of his woman, even if he deflects every question she ever asks.

Oh, and occasionally you get scenes if a psychologist in his office talking about how unfeeling and psychopathic serial killers are.  Duh.

::Sigh:: I'm bored just writing this.  

You know how sometimes you want to have something on, even it's just going to be background noise?  Yea, this movie wasn't even good for that.  It was shot as though in the typical way dark comedy's are done.  Dark and washed out.  Kind of reminded me of how "Clerks" was shot. Personally, I'm a fan of Gubler and overall, I think the acting wasn't horrible.  Just bad direction and timing.  Mainly, they had a decent story idea, but not a well thought out plot.  

SPOILER ALERT

Mike's girlfriend gets suspicious about his sneaking around, he finds he has to killer her.  He's distraught and unthinking and goes on the run with Bart.  He gets cornered but says Bart's his hostage, thus Mike goes to jail and Bart goes free. 

Overall, it was a disjointed movie I had a hard time wanting to finish.  Watch if you want, but don't say I recommended it.